Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Should I stay or Should I go?....


Oh how I love this blogging world! What could be better than meeting women from all over the country (and Canada too), making new friends, being encouraged in my faith, and all without leaving the house! How about doing all of those things AND leaving the house! I am getting really serious about whether or not to attend the She Speaks conference. The Early Bird Discount deadline is Friday (29th) so I would like to know what I am doing by then. I just know it will be an incredible event so I have to ask what is holding me back?
1---I feel inadequate and inexperienced. Who am I to go to such a large, national event? I am just an uneducated, inexperienced mom from Kansas. What would I do with the things I learn?

2---I am afraid. I don't know anyone personally that is going (although some wonderful bloggers will be there), what if I don't fit in? And to travel alone? what if I get lost?......

3---Can I afford it? Kids in college, kids needing braces, kids playing sports, a husband with a new TV, an air conditioner dying a sloooow death (summer is coming whether we believe it or not), beach vacation the week after the conference........where will the money come from?

As I have read about the conference over the past two years I never really dreamed I would go. But now I am admitting it to myself and to the world, "I do want to go! I do, I do, I do!" So now that I have established that fact, the question is "does God want me to go?

I am praying that He makes His will absolutely clear on this decision and that I will be obedient to Him. Every day it becomes more and more clear to me that I want to serve God and assist others in their Christian walk. Without a doubt the most fulfilling thing I have ever done (outside of having babies) is to serve God by shepherding and speaking to women! The trick is to distinguish my own will and desires from what God's will for me is.

So specifically I am praying that God will drop a "GO" or "NO GO" sign from the sky! I would even take a "still small voice" in a language I understand clearly. Finally, if I am not meant to go, I pray that He not only shuts the door but also removes the desire. As my British friend Tim would say, "stub my toe before I reach the door." Whatever happens I pray He gives me peace with it!

9 comments:

Teri said...

I pray that for you too!

This year is the first I have heard of this conference. I must admit, I have some of the same thoughts about it.

I know this year wouldn't work out for me because I have already bought my ticket to the San Antonio Living Proof Live Conference in August. I will be meeting some fellow bloggers there and can not justify two "me" trips in such a short time!

But I would have hung out with you if I could have gone! :)

All the best to you as you make your decision!

Young Creations said...

Thanks so much for signing my blog. I have been lurking out there for a couple of years. When 2008 started, I decided to take a step out from Lurkville. You were just the 3rd person to touch base with me. I want you to know that I appreciate it. I am so impressed that you can parent so many children. I wish I had more.
With so much respect,
Lauren

Linda said...

Oh, Kelley--did you see what I post yet today? I had not read yours when I wrote this post. It is uncanny when you compare our two posts. Is it a coincidence? --- I think it's pretty amazing.

luvmy4sons said...

Wow. Sounds awesome. All the best to you as you decide. I know the Lord will lead you! We often have to decide btween good and best.

Lelia Chealey said...

Hi Kelley!
Loved catching up on all of your posts!
I'm possibly driving down with my sister who loves road trips. I live in Lincoln, Nebraska so if I do, there's an option for you if we're not too far away. But, if I'd fly I'm sure it would be out of KC. Not sure how far apart we are.
I'm praying too about myself going so I'll pray for you too! :)
Blessings & Hugs~
Lelia

Joyful said...

Oh Kelley...I am so on your same page. As I already commented to you just this past Saturday - I am dealing with the same "Do I, Don't I" roller coaster and waiting on God - so desparately wanting to know His answer by Friday.

A girlfriend of mine last Friday invited me over for coffee and said, 'Joy - What is holding you back?' Friends are encouraging me to attend. My husband is more than supportive. I have to admit finances aren't the main issue. So, what is my answer? It comes down to needing that complete assurance that God wants me there and I'm not just following my own desires. A friend just hours ago asked me if I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts when we're seeking hard after Him - that the desire to even go is from the Lord - especially when to go is not something I feel in the least adequate to do. Oh, when do I just take that leap of faith and trust Him? I so long to hear clearly His voice saying, "This is the way, walk ye in it."

Praying that the Lord will reveal Himself and His plan for you to you. I know whichever way He leads it will be for our best and His glory.

Was struck the other day by a line in Lysa's book, "What Happens when Women say 'yes' to God". She writes, "How can He be our Ultimate Provider if we aren't ever lacking and in need?" Wondering...just wondering...if I need to take a step of faith and let Him show me, maybe for the very first time, that He is more than able to provide for ALL my needs.

Seeking Him,
Joy

Elisa @ Extravagant Grace said...

Oh, I have been in that exact boat. I know your emotions well and I will pray for you...and for the Lord to reveal His purpose!

Melissa said...

Kelley,

Consider this your sign from the sky...GO TO SHE SPEAKS! Well, I'm not exactly a sign from the sky, just from North Carolina:)

Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I so understand what it feels like to be on the fence and especially what it feels like to feel inadequate.

Let me just say...you are qualified, oh please don't let fear keep you from She Speaks. Proverbs 31 is filled with the most down to earth staff and speaker team you could imagine. And boy have we had our days! We've had speakers poop in their pants, fall off the stage,say things they totally regretted mentioning, miss flights, speak with horrible stomach viruses, cry over criticsm and rejection, and have nerves so bad they thought they couldn't go on. (and I won't reveal who did what!)...but one thing we all have in common is that we love the Lord. That's it. We love Him, we want to answer the call He has on us. Qualifications don't matter.

Only God can tell you if She Speaks is where you need to go this June. All I'm saying is don't let fear keep you from coming!

Okay, on to other things...your family is absolutely beautiful and so are you!!!! 7 kids! Wow! Bless your heart!

If I can help you in any way with She Speaks, let me know. If you call the office between 9-2:30 I will probably be the one to answer the phone. The conference is filling up quick. No pressure though, you are right...it has to be a God thing.

Blessings to you Kelley!
Melissa

freetofly said...

Hi, Kelley!

I thought I'd come visit, because I always enjoy your comments over at Leslie's place. Such joy!

I wanted to say that 1) you have a remarkable family! & you look way too young to be all those kids mother! 2) you say you are uneducated...I say that's not true. You can't live a successfull life, manage a household, RAISE SEVEN children without learning MUCH along the way! That's not formal education. But, don't even say you are uneducated. Please! Being a husband and wife and making a life togethere requires many buisness management skills. Think about it. And it's impossible for me to quanity what all the mothering of seven wonderful children would equate to, but I'm just saying! Give yourself some credit for the great work Christ is doing in you! ANd you know our society is hungry for mentoring, for help from Titus women, women like you.

Beyond that, I wish you the best, and you can never, ever go wrong with simply following what gives you peace, now that it is squarely in His hands...My fall back, is what does my husband's heart say.

God bless you! Whether or not you go to the conference, clearly God will use you more and more as your family evolves.

A Sister in Christ,
Maria