Monday, August 4, 2008

Because I Said So......

My 17 yr. old son has found his first girlfriend.

He has "liked" a few girls in the past but got tired of them quickly because, according to him, they talked too much.

"Mom, do all girls talk on the phone this much?"

"Yes son, they do!"

Anyway, he met a girl on the "Beach Conference" trip with the church youth group (she is the friend of one of the girls at church) and he has been spending quite a bit of time with her.

Because we don't know her or her family yet we told him we would prefer they hang out at our house. Also, we would like for them to watch movies in the den, not in the basement. Well, you would think I said we are going to cut off his left arm.

"Why can't we go to the basement to watch movies? We always watch movies in the basement, isn't that what the basement is for?"

Although I didn't have to, I decided to try and explain why I wanted to institute this rule: I spoke about respecting your date, being a positive role model for the younger kids, the temptations of being outside of supervision.........

But no matter what I said he argued and finally, I just laid it out "look, you don't have to like it and you don't have to understand it but you do need to obey it!"

Oh could I hear God in that statement!!!

As we have debated our daughter's school situation I thought I had found the "perfect" answer. There is a school nearby, where several of her friends from church attend. But it is in a different district and they don't accept transfers, however, my Mom lives in that district and we could use her address. Our other option ( in our own district) is much further away, not nearly as convenient and she wouldn't know anyone there.

Even though I really think the out-of-district school is the "perfect" answer and I have pleaded with God over this, He has obviously shut that door.

"Kelley, you don't have to like it and you don't have to understand it but you do need to obey it!"

The truth is I don't really know what is best for myself or my kids, but God does. He sees the picture I can't, the BIG PICTURE. The question is, am I going to obey Him or not? I just finished a study on several women who chose to "manipulate" circumstances instead of trusting God (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel.....) and we are still living with the results of their actions. Since I don't want to leave that kind of legacy for my children, I am choosing to walk in faith and obey the Lord on this decision (although I still don't like it!).

As for my son, he has agreed to be obedient to my "movie watching" rule as well (although he still doesn't like it).


luvmy4sons said...

My 17 year old that I posted on today has had a girlfirend for 11 months and 22 dyas he informed me yesterday. We have had all kinds of "talks"! LOL! As they age the parental issues just get stickier and stickier. I never thought I would look back on potty training fondly, but compared to these teen issues it was a breeze! LOL! I often look at how my children respond to me and wonder if that is how I appear to God. Great post! Hugs to you!

Yolanda said...


Oh how I remember this time of testing from our son only 10-12 years ago, seems like yesterday!

Why 2nd Cup of Coffee? said...

Good for you on that basement ban. Many a battle is won/lost in the context of the movie in the basement.

Tammy said...

Hi ☺
I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog and look forward to every update!

Great post!♥

Paula (SweetPea) said...

That's a wonderful rule for your son. I think the tempation for giving into physical desires is growing ever stronger. Though, I stupidly did not follow this wise advice even in my 20s dating. I believe even adults should be careful in how much "alone" time there is. It's just too much of a temptation.

How poignant that you heard God say to you just what you said to your son.

Laurie Ann said...

Great rule for your son and I love how God spoke to you as well. He will shine forth brightly in both situations, I'm sure. Praying,

RefreshMom said...

We're newer to this parenting thing, but I think I'm figuring out that one of the reasons God gives us children to raise is so we can hear the words coming out of our mouths that He's been whispering to us. I'm just glad my kids can't see it or the balance of power would shift dramatically!

Good job setting the boundaries/expectations with your son at the outset. It's so much harder to go back and say "here's how it's going to work" when it's already been going the other way.

Ang baylis said...

Ummm... you get the award for being the greatest Mom! I think it's so cool how you were being convicted about the same thing! God is so good to get the message across. I admire you so much for choosing to do the right thing! I wish you were MY mom!
Much love, Kelley!
Angie xoxo

On Purpose said...

I struggle with the not having to understand it. To not understand it means its all about faith right?

I love how our children are a constant reminder of our relationship with our Heavenly Father!!

Jami @ livelaughlove5 said...

Wow, Kelley - thanks for this post. What a great parallel. Love you!!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

It's a life-long lesson, that one.

Kim said...

What a great post Kelley! Isn't it amazing, how often when we are teaching our children lessons...we too are in the school of waiting and lesson learning with the Lord.

Stay strong are doing the right thing.


Rachael said...

I've been struggling with the BIG picture lately thinking that I've outgrown being parented. You're so right though! God is our father forever and fortunately loves us forever too.

proudgrits11 said...

Heehee. You make me look forward to having teenagers, in a weird way. I was a good kid so they will be, too, right???? :)
FYI, I'm having a card giveaway over at Roots & Wings--
I can even customize it with scripture!!

Amy said...

Oh, how I understand...the teenage situation as well as the adult one.:)

I so don't "like" many things that God is allowing in my life right now either.....but I "want" to obey and be faithful. It is so hard to always do it with a smile though.

Sounds like an amazing Bible study. I love learning about the women in the Bible.....There is some of me in each of them.

God Bless,

Tracy said...

Ouch! I've learned a few of those lessons the hard way...choosing to try and manipulate situations to meet my desires rather than chosing obedience. While harder sometimes at the onset, obedience always brings the blessing in the end. (Much wisdom in your call to ban the basement movie!) ; )

Debbie said...

I totally agree with you!!! Good idea on the upstairs movies!!

And yeys it is just like God!!


Christina said...

I think the first girlfriend is a big step and I agree with your rule totally. I have very similar ones. Although my son is 16 he still does not date, he is rather shy. He mostly hangs out at the teen center by our church. Supervised, I like that. Supervised by someone other than me, I like that too just because he can argue with them about the rules instead of me.

Christina said...

I just read about your daughters school situation and will pray about it. I have an older one who sounds a lot like this, but now that she is 24 we are close and she is totally different then when she was a rebel. I think the things she has been through has actually made her the loving young woman she is. So I totally know how it is, but take it from someone who knows, Satan will lose this battle. Good idea to have this girl mentor her. Awesome. I will keep holding Lilly up in prayer.