Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Know You Mean Well but Let Me Help You Get That Foot Out of Your Mouth....

"Honey does this make me look fat?"

How is a man supposed to answer that question? It is a trap I'm sure many men have found themselves in at one time or another.

I think you can actually tell a man's "female knowledge quotient" (FKQ) by the way he answers this loaded question. FKQ does not necessarily equal "relationship experience", but knowing how to handle this question is all about how many women you have personally offended (or seen offended) by the answer.

Growing up with one brother and no sisters left my husband somewhat clueless when it came to the mind of a woman. Over the years he has been known to say things like:

"You could have a great body if you worked out" or "are you sure you want to eat that?" and I love the classic "be careful" (usually accompanied by a wink) as I am about to indulge in some calorie laden bliss.

The only reason I am not a widow today is because when he made these comments he wasn't being cruel but (in a twisted way) he believed he was truly thinking of my best interest. In fact, he claims he was giving me a compliment and providing friendly support. Hard to understand I know but I try to give him the benefeit of the doubt.

I remember Christmas of 1996 very well because I had just found out I was expecting our 5th baby. About a week before Christmas my dear husband placed a large wrapped gift under the tree for me. I was so excited to see such a big box. Ususally he doesn't even shop until Christmas Eve so I knew this had to be special.

A few days later I was shopping at Walmart and I saw a box that was similar in shape and size to the gift under the tree. But surely there was no way my dear husband would have bought his newly pregnant wife an AB Roller! Funny how when I mentioned my crazy thought to him (and how insulting it would be) the gift under the tree mysteriously disappeared.

I don't remember what I got for christmas that year but I do remember that after the baby was born and I was trying to get back in shape I bought an AB Roller for myself.

My husband may be slow but he is not stupid and I think he has finally come to the conclusion that if he keeps his mouth shut he cannot put his foot in it. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Now who will answer the "fat question" for me?

DISCLAIMER: (I do want to make it clear that I don't think I am really FAT but I also don't want to make a fool of myself by choosing clothes that don't fit right. Is there anything worse than thinking you look great and then seeing a picture of yourself only to realize you look ridiculous? And besides 70+ months of pregnancy has left me a little hyper-sensitive when it comes to my battle with bulges!!)

So who can I ask, "Honey does this make me look fat?"

--I could ask my little girls who don't yet know what "Fat" is and I certainly don't want to set off any eating disorders.

--I could ask my teenage daughter who is rail thin and thinks she looks fat so I am sure I must look like a double wide trailer in her eyes!

--I could ask my teenage son who has grown up with 5 sisters and has more "female knowledge" than most men twice his age (this kid is smooooth!)

Anyway, as I was packing to go on the cruise with my husband last month I came up with a great solution. I couldn't decide between 3 dresses to take for "formal night" so I tried all of them on and had my girls take my picture. Now I could see for myself whether or not I looked fat.......

Much to my surprise all 3 of them looked pretty good and since none of us could agree on which one we liked best I decided to take my two favorites.

SO there you have it, another use for your digital camera. Never again will the men in your life have to answer the dreaded "does it make me look fat" question.

Of course these pictures did make me realize a couple of other things:
1) how badly my bathroom needs a makeover.
2) I need to look for more opportunities to dress up (perhaps more vacations????)


Runner Mom said...

This was great! I had one of those ab rollers about that same time--1996--after child #2! I was home with the baby and the dreaded info-mercials got my attention! Yep--$29.99 later, I was the proud owner of one! It didn't do the trick, and I'm sure that it wound up at Goodwill or somewhere similar!

Glad y'all had fun on your cruise! You looked great!! And...love the new blog look! You are just too talented!


Dena said...

Men are clueless when it comes to gifts...at least mine is. He has given me deep fat fryers (which he knows I hate greasy food) and my own toolbox (isn't that what he's for?). But God bless men, they do try. :)

I loved your dresses, but the blue is probably my favorite of all. Such a great color on you! Oh, and for the record I've only had 3 kids and wish I looked as great as you do. Maybe I need to go buy myself an ab roller.

luvmy4sons said...

The blue one was my favorite! My hubby once said to me when I asked that question..."Honey there is nothing that could ever make you look fat. You are not fat so it is impossible." Believe it or not I wasn't too happy then with that answer. Now I can see how precious it was...and how stupid I was. Fun post!

Chatty Kelly said...

That blue dress is FANTASTIC! Hubba hubba. ;-)

I know what you mean. I am a size 6, not fat by any stretch of the imagination. BUT before kids I was a size 2, very slender. So I am 2 sizes bigger and so I feel "fat." I just have to remind myself that gobs of gals would love to be my size. (and I could always break out the ab roller....)

If you get a chance, watch this video about hubby's & gifts and you will crack up!

Pamela (His maidservant) said...

You gotta love them! My husband speaks very carefuly but last night thought he was funny sharing with me about the "new virus" that is making people gain weight. He thinks we have it. I didn't laughglesescr.

I really like that blue dress-you looked fabulous!!

In His Graces~Pamela

Joyful said...

Well, I see the blue dress is winning. The colour looks amazing on you!!!!! You're gorgeous my friend!

Hope you enjoyed a wonderful holiday!
Love & prayers,

Laurie Ann said...

Too funny! You are so beautiful in all your pictures. These dresses are gorgeous and look great on you!

Teri~Facedown said...

I absolutely DO NOT like it when my hubs tries to keep me accountable for what I put in my mouth. Seriously, it bugs me!

Rhonda said...

Great idea! I must say the two dresses that you took are my two favorites from the three pictures.

Susan said...

Oh Kelly, you look GREAT!!!!!!

And I had to laugh, my darling, precious LOVING husband has said the same words, "are you sure you want to eat that?".

Like I REALLY didn't want that huge piece of homemade fudge or brownie with icre-cream!


(and more!)

Yes, I like the idea of taking a picture too. I've taken many things back after seeing my self in them.

Great post!

Missing you♥

Jenny said...

That was funny! Chad does the same thing, although he still does it.

In fact this weekend, he said as I was laying on the couch, "we are getting fat and lazy." I almost knocked him out!
He said he meant that he was the fat one and I was the lazy one.

That really didn't help him. So I took a nap!

Lisa said...

My husband has thrown out similar workout/eating comments, and he also means well. He's just so darn practical and those are very practical things for not being fat. Gotta love 'em.

So glad you got to go away...what fun!

Janna said...

Hi Kelley, All of those dresses looked good on you. But you know, if you really need an honest answer, I'll give you one. :)


Paula (SweetPea) said...

I think you are right, when we can look at ourselves in a photo it tells us what we want to know. I've seen pics of me that look good and some not so good...but the digital look does help.

You look great in all these. I'd say the blue is my favorite...love the color, of course, and the style is very unique.

Christina said...

You look awesome. Not fat at all. Geeze I wish I looked this good. Anyway I have been stupid enough to ask my hubby this question and usually he just pretends he didn't hear me. Gee I wonder what this means. At least your hubby is brave enough to give it a try. I had to crack up at the ab roller present. I had one of these at one time. I think any woman that has ever been pregnant has tried this thing to loose the belly afterwards.

Ang baylis said...

You look beautiful! This was SUCH a cute post. I remember getting my best compliments from my son when he was a little boy! I miss those days. I know what you mean about the differences to the same question. I go for the smooth talker! Anyway... I like your choices! I bet the cruise was amazing. You didn't eat the midnight buffet, right? (wink, wink... haha).
I love your blog! You always have such interesting topics!!
Love you!
Angie xoxo

Kathi said...

You looke gorgeous in all of them. I love the blue one best. What a great idea!! Have a wonderful time. Kathi

KCAimee said...

I know the cruise is over but I also love the blue dress and think you look amazing in it.

Julie Gillies said...

Hi Kelley,
What a hilarious Christmas story! This year my hubby bought me a Wii Fit--but that's because I wistfully said I wished I had one.

The dresses all look gorgeous on you. Hard to believe you've had 7 kids!

So nice to meet you Kelley. Blessings to you.

Melanie Dorsey said...

So cute! You and the post...dresses, too. I'm going with the dark dress for my fave.

Ang baylis said...

Just wanted to stop by to say hello and hoping all is well with you! I've missed your writings and you!
Take good care!
Angie xoxo

Karey said...

Hope you had a great time on the cruise!
The first thing I noticed about the 3 pictures is you were missing your right earring in each of them.
But you did have both on in your final pics.