I Know You Mean Well but Let Me Help You Get That Foot Out of Your Mouth....

"Honey does this make me look fat?"

How is a man supposed to answer that question? It is a trap I'm sure many men have found themselves in at one time or another.

I think you can actually tell a man's "female knowledge quotient" (FKQ) by the way he answers this loaded question. FKQ does not necessarily equal "relationship experience", but knowing how to handle this question is all about how many women you have personally offended (or seen offended) by the answer.

Growing up with one brother and no sisters left my husband somewhat clueless when it came to the mind of a woman. Over the years he has been known to say things like:

"You could have a great body if you worked out" or "are you sure you want to eat that?" and I love the classic "be careful" (usually accompanied by a wink) as I am about to indulge in some calorie laden bliss.

The only reason I am not a widow today is because when he made these comments he wasn't being cruel but (in a twisted way) he believed he was truly thinking of my best interest. In fact, he claims he was giving me a compliment and providing friendly support. Hard to understand I know but I try to give him the benefeit of the doubt.

I remember Christmas of 1996 very well because I had just found out I was expecting our 5th baby. About a week before Christmas my dear husband placed a large wrapped gift under the tree for me. I was so excited to see such a big box. Ususally he doesn't even shop until Christmas Eve so I knew this had to be special.

A few days later I was shopping at Walmart and I saw a box that was similar in shape and size to the gift under the tree. But surely there was no way my dear husband would have bought his newly pregnant wife an AB Roller! Funny how when I mentioned my crazy thought to him (and how insulting it would be) the gift under the tree mysteriously disappeared.

I don't remember what I got for christmas that year but I do remember that after the baby was born and I was trying to get back in shape I bought an AB Roller for myself.

My husband may be slow but he is not stupid and I think he has finally come to the conclusion that if he keeps his mouth shut he cannot put his foot in it. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Now who will answer the "fat question" for me?


DISCLAIMER: (I do want to make it clear that I don't think I am really FAT but I also don't want to make a fool of myself by choosing clothes that don't fit right. Is there anything worse than thinking you look great and then seeing a picture of yourself only to realize you look ridiculous? And besides 70+ months of pregnancy has left me a little hyper-sensitive when it comes to my battle with bulges!!)

So who can I ask, "Honey does this make me look fat?"

--I could ask my little girls who don't yet know what "Fat" is and I certainly don't want to set off any eating disorders.

--I could ask my teenage daughter who is rail thin and thinks she looks fat so I am sure I must look like a double wide trailer in her eyes!

--I could ask my teenage son who has grown up with 5 sisters and has more "female knowledge" than most men twice his age (this kid is smooooth!)

Anyway, as I was packing to go on the cruise with my husband last month I came up with a great solution. I couldn't decide between 3 dresses to take for "formal night" so I tried all of them on and had my girls take my picture. Now I could see for myself whether or not I looked fat.......

Much to my surprise all 3 of them looked pretty good and since none of us could agree on which one we liked best I decided to take my two favorites.

SO there you have it, another use for your digital camera. Never again will the men in your life have to answer the dreaded "does it make me look fat" question.

Of course these pictures did make me realize a couple of other things:

1) how badly my bathroom needs a makeover.

2) I need to look for more opportunities to dress up (perhaps more vacations????)