Strength Training...

Sorry to have been away so long again but I have been undergoing some "strength training" in different areas of my life.

Some of it I have brought on myself and some of it I haven't. Either way it has been a tough few weeks and at times I feel like a boxer in the ring, not sure where the next blow is going to come from.

Much of my "strength training" has occurred at the obvious place - The Gym. I have continued to visit "Cruella's" classes, and have even come to appreciate and actually like her very much (even if she does seem to enjoy torturing me, lol). The result of continuing to push myself is paying off and I am definitely feeling stronger! I can lift more weight, do more reps and not feel quite so sore the next day!

The other "strength training" I am undergoing is much more personal. It is strengthening as a Mom and in myself as a Christian woman. As I am stepping out to serve the Lord and teach at CBS I am watching my personal life come under attack like never before! Satan knows exactly how to push my buttons and I have definitely been feeling it recently.

I know that raising children is a challenge (and the fact that I have more children than most means I should probably expect more challenges than most) but it doesn't make it any easier when you are facing an attitude of rebellion. Rebellion that runs so deep as to say, "I want to behave this way and if you try to punish me I will hate you forever."

And as if that rebellion weren't enough to deal with, there are phone calls from the school regarding another teenager (Skipped classes, failing grades....) Of course there are the younger kids (field trip money due, programs to attend, schedules to keep...) and the older ones (do you ever stop worrying about your children???....) and even my husband (working late again, not listening, disagreements over how to handle just about everything....). Worst of all there is someone close to me who continues to disrespect me and speak derogatorily behind my back.

Yeah, Satan is pushing my buttons big-time! And, just like when my muscles are pushed to the limit by Cruella at the gym, it is at this point in my "training" that I want to give up. I want to say:

"God, I can't do it! It is too hard and it isn't worth it!"
"You can do it!"
"But it HURTS! I am not strong enough!"
"Find your strength in Me!"

So I press on and I can honestly say that whatever strength I have comes directly from the Lord: I must trust my children and their future to Him, I need to choose to let Him defend me against those who criticize and gossip behind my back, and I must not let Satan use those attacks to deter me from what God has called me to do. It hurts and it isn't easy but it does strengthen my faith.

As hard as a "strength training" class at the gym is, I love the feeling when it is over. I feel weak but I also feel strong and invigorated. It is very much the same as I go through this "strength training" with God. At times I may feel raw and vulnerable but I know that I am HIS and the more I depend on Him the stronger I feel!

I don't know why I am in this valley right now. Perhaps it is because God knows I need to have "thicker skin"; maybe I need some lessons in dealing with conflict; or it could be because I need to pass this lesson on to someone else. Whatever it is, I can be sure that there IS a good reason behind it and God will not let these lessons be wasted.